http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html
This is a remarkable article of Dr. Marsha Linehen, the leading therapist and researcher who developed Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, talks about her own experience as a suicidal teen and how she gets to where she is today. This offers so much hope for those who suffer from pain and struggle with their existence.
The LGBT among us have their stories of how they come out or not come out to their families, this one is from the Asian perspective.
As the holiday season approaches, many of us may feel the holiday blues or become slightly depressed. Our moods are likely to be affected after too much celebrating and eating, excessive amount of alcohol intake or withdrawing from high sugar consumption. During this time, we also may not exercise enough to help us maintain physical and emotional wellbeing. There are people whose moods fluctuate with the decreasing sunlight and cold weather, which may make them more prone to feeling blue.
The holiday seasons coincide with important anniversaries for many people, which can be painful reminders of loss or grief. During the holidays, when we are reminded to spend time with loved ones, we also miss those that are not around us more intensely. People tend to recall events or memories from the past holidays or years, it is quite common that strong feelings of sadness and lost can come back even for those who have gone through the process of grieving.
For those who do not have others to celebrate the season with, either by choice or not, this time can be particularly challenging. For some people the feelings of isolation and loneliness are quite real. Sometimes people may experience severe depression or having thoughts of suicide when the isolation and sadness become too much to tolerate.
End of the year also bring up questions of how well we have done or what have we accomplished. It is a time for reflection, a time to look deeper within ourselves. Am I heading the right direction with life? Am I happy? What’s missing? What do I want more?
Adequate amount of exercises are important in keeping us healthy and balanced during this time. Walks, gym, yoga, and many other types of physical activities are good for our mind and our body. It is even more important during this time that we take good care of ourselves. Deep breathing and other relaxation techniques are also helpful in keeping our blood pressure low and help us feeling calm.
We may decide it is time to change the negative patterns in our life, either our interactions with others or our relationship to ourselves. It may be helpful to talk about this with someone we trust, get different perspectives, and set realistic goals so we can make some changes. If you are dealing with loss, grief or other difficulties, you might find that it is helpful to talk to a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, to help you move beyond where you feel stuck.
If you are interested in reading more about Joy’s psychotherapy practice, please visit: psychotherapywithjoy.com
You are an Asian American female who has it all together: you may have an advanced degree, you are a hardworking professional, you have savings in the bank, perhaps even a house with a yard. Underneath the apparent success and achievement, are you really all that happy?
Research and statistics painted a surprising and bleak picture: Asian American women have the highest suicide rate among all women in the United States. These studies also shown that there are high numbers of Asian American women suffer from depression and have contemplated suicide. This doesn’t make a lot of sense, since Asian Americans are considered the “model minority” who has shown to be a highly successful group in the American society. Why are so many Asian American Women depressed and feeling suicidal?
Many researchers argue that Asian American culture is achievement oriented, that you are expected to succeed in all areas of life, and there is no room for failure. The pressure to be highly successful is often unrealistic and caused a lot of stress for Asian Americans regardless of gender. For the Asian American Women, however, there is additional stress caused by having to manage or deal with conflicting sexual stereotypes as well as being hyper-sexualized. Many experience confusion in having to adopt between identities of the strong and powerful “dragon lady”, and the passive, soft and submissive role. How can you be expected to be accomplished and outspoken at the same time being passive and modest? Other than these dualistic societal images, Asian American Women also face additional stress from their family expectations. All these factors may contribute to a limited sense of identity and self-worth, which also results in depression.
I have seen many of these issues come up in my therapy practice, again and again, despite of whether these women are born in US or are first generation immigrants. They work hard to be academically successful or have a well respected career. Some also struggle with dating or being in relationships, choosing an Asian or non Asian life partner, and between being independent or losing oneself within relationships. At some points in their lives, many of them experience high anxiety, depressed mood, confusion and inner conflicts that are so strong and unbearable that they become depressed, and have thought about ending their lives.
As an Asian American woman, I have also grappled with many of the same struggles and periods of depression. I encourage all of us Asian American Women out there to find your identity, find your place, be kind and accepting of different and creative ways of being in the world. And as a therapist, I urge those of you who experience depression to reach out for support, to your friends, to your community, to your spiritual guidance, or to a culturally sensitive therapist. You can end depression with some outside help. You don’t have to be alone.
If you are interested in reading more on this topic, please go to the following link:
http://www.womensenews.org/story/mental-health/060918/asian-women-face-model-minority-pressures
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113114107
If you are interested in learning more about Joy’s psychotherapy practice, please visit: psychotherapywithjoy.com Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.I always dread going to the gym when the time comes, but whenever I can get myself there and start exercising, I immediately feel the difference in how exercise affects my mood. I noticed how great my mind and body feel as my heart rate started to go up, the body warmed up, and the breathing got deeper.
Although it is not entirely clear why exercise help combat anxiety and depression, it has been proven that exercises do make people feel better and reduce anxiety. Mood, cognition or thoughts, and low energy are three components of depressed mood. It is harder to change our mood and the way we think in order to fight depression, but it is much easier to increase our physical activity level as a way to overcome depressed mood. Increased physical activity also helps us reduce and manage stress, which also help with managing depression or anxiety.
Why is it so hard to motivate ourselves to stay active even though we all know the benefits of exercise? Finding something you enjoy doing may work better in the long run. Increasing physical activities may mean milder forms such as gardening, walking around your neighborhood, slow jog through the park, or with increasing intensity like biking, hiking, or playing a sport.
For many people, going to the gym consists of too many steps to take: pack the bag, get in the car, drive to the gym, and find parking. Perhaps finding an attractive gym may help you think of going there as if you are going to the spa. The alternative is finding a gym closer to you, on the way to work or school. For some people, the experience of going to the gym is foreign and uncomfortable. What to do with those machines? When you sign up for a new gym membership, it is very common that the staff will show you how to use the equipments. Many machines have a “quickstart” button which will get it to start working. You may also enlist a friend to become your gym buddy, so you can encourage each other and stay motivated.
Realistic goal setting also helps keep people motivated. It is unrealistic to set your goal for 30 minutes five times a week if you haven’t been able to get out of your couch so far. Try 10 minutes twice a week to start with, this feels more realistic and manageable as you start. Also remember to reward yourself by giving positive feedback and encouragement for every small step taken.
If you are interested in reading more about Joy’s psychotherapy practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.Do you avoid meeting new people or going to a social gathering? Do you worry about how others see you that you can’t enjoy a conversation? Are you painfully aware of how your face turns red and how you start to perspire when you interact with others in unfamiliar settings?
You may feel that you, and only you, suffer from this intense anxiety and distress, everyone else is acting normal and having a good time. Shyness, however, is surprisingly common and there are far more shy people among us than we realized. You are really not alone.
Like many of you, I have also been dealing with shyness all my life. I see getting over shyness as a process. Through my own personal work in therapy and through practicing social skills, shyness has become less of a hindrance or interference to my daily activities. I still experience these intense moments of heart racing, face flushing, and tongue-in- knot instances…however, these moments do not take over me as strongly as they used to. I also beat myself up much less than I would in the past.
Shyness is an experience, an emotional state that we as human beings experience, just like feelings of happiness, anger, sadness. And like all feelings, they come to us and then they pass. Shyness does not define who you are as a person. By being kind and compassionate about your feelings of shyness, you become less judgmental about yourself. By acknowledging these feelings of shyness, you create more room in yourself to accept them, observe them, and letting go of them.
Practicing social skills and being prepared also help us feeling better going into unfamiliar social settings. Basic social skills such as how to greet people, maintaining eye contact, how to carry on a conversation…etc can be learned by observing how people interact, reading up on social etiquette, or practicing with a friend. By being prepared, I mean doing a little research on the setting, situation, and the people you will be interacting with. Coming up with possible conversation topics, questions to ask, news to share, subjects that you know the person may be interested in.
If you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.The word depression is used commonly in our everyday vocabulary to describe feeling down, melancholic, blue or sad. In the clinical language, major depression is a term describing more than the ups and downs of mood fluctuation, and is a condition of more severe or chronic unhappy mood that affects an individual’s quality of life.
The causes of depression are still unknown to us. Stressful life events, such as losing a loved one, unemployment, job change or retirement, moving, and other transitions… may trigger depression. Past traumatic events, such as abuse, neglect, or trauma may also be contributing factors in depression. Depression also can be related to biological, hormonal, neurological, or genetic causes.
When depression is caused more by social or environmental factors, therapy has shown to be effective in treating depression. The triggers of depression, usually events that lead up to the drastic change in a person’s mood, are explored and discussed in therapy. By identifying the thoughts and feelings a person has about his or her life circumstances, a therapist can help the client change patterns of unhealthy thinking.
Increasing activity level is the easiest way for people in depression to get mobilized and come out of the lows. This may involve going out for daily 10 minutes walk even if the person didn’t feel like it. The simple increases in heart rate, blood circulation, and body movement help elevate the mood and change thinking.
A therapist can also help clients with depression setting realistic goals. Unhappiness often stems from feeling stuck, lack of meaning in life, or inability to get what one wants out of life. I would explore with my clients what does happiness mean for them. If you imagine having a fulfilled life, what would you be doing? Where would you be? How would you know if you are happy or if you get where you want to be? What steps need to be taken and what can you start changing right now?
Another major part of the growth process in therapy is through exploration and understanding of client’s important relationships: How do you relate to others? Can you feel, say or behave as who you really are? What are your needs and how can you get them met? How to say “no”? How do you communicate? Often, difficulties in relationships are reasons that bring people into therapy and why they feel depressed.
Many people suffer from depression, but they do not need to endure it alone. Reaching out for help may be the first step of ending depressed mood.
For more information about depression or therapy, please refer to this link: http://www.psychotherapywithjoy.com/Depression.aspx
If you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.Most of us have the experience of heart break at some point in our adolescent or adult life. This is unavoidable as we go through life looking for a life partner. Break ups are difficult and painful despite of how old or experienced we think we are. We might believe “ I will never get over this excruciating pain”, “I can never find love again”, or we might think “there’s no one else out there for me”.
What do you do when you just get out of a relationship and don’t feel that you can go on without your partner?
In my practice as a therapist, I see people who come in feeling depressed, angry, hopeless, lonely, exhausted, at a loss and in a lot of pain. The first thing that I do with my clients who are struggling with a recent break up is to help them acknowledge and understand that what they are feeling is normal when an important relationship ended. These feelings are not unlike what people go through when they grieve for the death of a loved one or other types of significant loss.
After providing some information and education about the process of grief, I also help my clients look at all the “goods” and the “not so goods” about this lost relationship. Exploring and allowing oneself to see all aspects of a relationship is important as we organize our thoughts and feelings about it. This helps people review the relationship, make sense of it and enables them to feel its completion. Furthermore, this is an important process to help my clients understand what is important for them when they are ready to move on to the next relationship.
Along the way, I also explore with my clients what resources they have, these can be from within ourselves or from outside supports. Self care is a concept that I cannot emphasize enough, especially when people are in emotional pain. When people are depressed, they tend to forget to eat or eat too much, neglect to take a shower, brush their teeth, forget to change into clean clothes, and stay in bed all day or not sleep at all. I encourage my clients to find things, or engage in activities, that are important for them: go to the gym, take a short walk, drink a cup of hot tea, take a hot bath, eat comfort food, talk to a friend, go to the beach, sit in the sun, watch children play…whatever gives a sense of calm and nourishment.
As they recover and feel better about themselves and the loss of relationship, I help my client prepare for life beyond breakup and look to the future. This could be many things, focusing on career, education, finding another relationship, devoting self in important causes. Or it can be more internal, as people become more aware of who they are or what they want, they may continue to invest in personal growth, to live more meaningfully and consciously, to form deeper connection with others. Relationship break up can be an opportunity for tremendous growth in self.
Wherever you are in the process of getting over a relationship, I encourage you to give yourself plenty of time, to learn more about yourself, to be comfortable being alone, to understand how you relate to others. When you have a good relationship with yourself, you are more prepared to be in an intimate relationship with another person.
If you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.
