Archive for Culture

Emotional and Psychological Costs of Extreme Parenting

January 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture, Family ·Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Amy Chua’s book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” and its’ published online excerpt have created numerous discussions, debates and strong reactions all around.  Many of the responses come from Asian Americans who voiced stories of themselves or others, whom under the strict and harsh parenting style have developed emotional or psychological difficulties as adults, many struggle with low self esteem, anxiety or depression, and some resorting to suicides.

Discipline is essential in helping children understand right from wrong, what behaviors are appropriate and what behaviors are discouraged.  Providing structure for children helps them understand what’s expected of them, furthermore, it helps create sense of safety.

It is extremely hard to strike the right balance between discipline children and allowing them room for individuality, freedom, creativity, self exploration, and ability to think and speak for themselves.  Harsh or authoritarian parenting style, however, can crash a child’s sense of self, diminish a child’s ability to think, feel and express, stifling creativity, and may cause anger and resentment.

Certainly not all Asian American parents choose to parent in the extreme way.  And many Asian parents choose to use strict parenting style because these immigrant families paid high price to make it to America. Becoming highly educated is the most direct way to climb the social ladder to success. These methods help produce a lot of highly successful Asian Americans (and it’s great if it works for them), and they also created a lot of emotionally scarred Asian Americans.

When these Asian Americans make their ways to my therapy office, there are recurring themes of what they come to get help with.  Low self esteem affect how they function in the work place, in school, and in social life.  Difficulty with expressing feelings and communication often cause damages to their important relationships.  Unable to assert oneself and set clear boundaries have caused chronic stress, anger, and health problems.  Being deprived the opportunity to develop a solid sense of self has cost their sense of independence, aspiration and aliveness.  So, Asian parents and non Asian parents, please do make adjustments of your parenting style according to your child’s needs and personalities. Growing up is already hard enough, please support and be there for your child.

Related Link:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/how_to_raise_an_unhappy_child//

If you are interested in learning more about Joy’s psychotherapy practice, please visit: http://psychotherapywithjoy.com

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Asian American Women and Depression

October 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture, Depression, Psychotherapy, Stress Management ·Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You are an Asian American female who has it all together: you may have an advanced degree, you are a hardworking professional, you have savings in the bank, perhaps even a house with a yard.  Underneath the apparent success and achievement, are you really all that happy?

Research and statistics painted a surprising and bleak picture: Asian American women have the highest suicide rate among all women in the United States.  These studies also shown that there are high numbers of Asian American women suffer from depression and have contemplated suicide.  This doesn’t make a lot of sense, since Asian Americans are considered the “model minority” who has shown to be a highly successful group in the American society. Why are so many Asian American Women depressed and feeling suicidal?

Many researchers argue that Asian American culture is achievement oriented, that you are expected to succeed in all areas of life, and there is no room for failure.  The pressure to be highly successful is often unrealistic and caused a lot of stress for Asian Americans regardless of gender.  For the Asian American Women, however, there is additional stress caused by having to manage or deal with conflicting sexual stereotypes as well as being hyper-sexualized.  Many experience confusion in having to adopt between identities of the strong and powerful “dragon lady”, and the passive, soft and submissive role.  How can you be expected to be accomplished and outspoken at the same time being passive and modest?  Other than these dualistic societal images, Asian American Women also face additional stress from their family expectations.  All these factors may contribute to a limited sense of identity and self-worth, which also results in depression.

I have seen many of these issues come up in my therapy practice, again and again, despite of whether these women are born in US or are first generation immigrants.  They work hard to be academically successful or have a well respected career.  Some also struggle with dating or being in relationships, choosing an Asian or non Asian life partner, and between being independent or losing oneself within relationships.  At some points in their lives, many of them experience high anxiety, depressed mood, confusion and inner conflicts that are so strong and unbearable that they become depressed, and have thought about ending their lives.

As an Asian American woman, I have also grappled with many of the same struggles and periods of depression.  I encourage all of us Asian American Women out there to find your identity, find your place, be kind and accepting of different and creative ways of being in the world.  And as a therapist, I urge those of you who experience depression to reach out for support, to your friends, to your community, to your spiritual guidance, or to a culturally sensitive therapist. You can end depression with some outside help.  You don’t have to be alone.

If you are interested in reading more on this topic, please go to the following link:

http://www.womensenews.org/story/mental-health/060918/asian-women-face-model-minority-pressures

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113114107

If you are interested in learning more about Joy’s psychotherapy practice, please visit:
psychotherapywithjoy.com
Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT
Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.

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Intercultural Relationship

June 13, 2010 at 9:20 pm · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture, Love, Relationships ·Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

This article is co-authored by Hayden Dover, MFT and Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT.

Today people traveling and migrating around the globe is more commonplace and unprecedented than ever before. In the United States our population is becoming increasingly racially and culturally diverse.  Telecommunications technology and the internet have made connecting with people far away much easier.  Along with this increased interconnectivity and intermigration has come an increasing acceptance of other races, traditions and cultures, much more so then was the case a generation or two ago.  All of this has led to an increase in intercultural relationships and makes it much more likely that you will date and fall in love with someone of a different ethnicity, from a different culture or geographical region or who speaks a different language.

When approached with consciousness and consideration, intercultural relationships can bring together the richness and strengths that each individual brings from their culture.  They can use their cultural differences as opportunities to more closely examine their own assumptions and beliefs and employ greater critical thought in their decisions about what aspects of their culture serve them and what doesn’t.  Ideally, couples enjoy the broadening of their world, they may adopt worldviews and values that are new and freeing for them, their horizons widen, their beliefs and attitudes can become more informed, less rigid and judgmental, and their relationship can be a path to a more flexible and considered life.

Though the excitement of a fresh and unique encounter with someone distinctively different from us can be stimulating, engaging and exciting , as time goes on, just like every long term relationship, differences between the partners begin to surface.  Just as Intercultural relationships offer some additional opportunities for growth and development they also face additional challenges that arise from each partner’s viewing their world and the relationship through their unique cultural lens.

Concerns commonly faced by intercultural couples can be seen in many areas:

  • values, beliefs, attitudes, traditions
  • language or linguistic challenges
  • gender roles
  • finances or money management
  • family, in-laws, friends, social network
  • social class, racism, discrimination
  • spirituality or religion
  • parenting, child rearing practice differences
  • sexuality
  • boundaries

The list can go on based on each couple’s unique circumstances.

Becoming more aware of our own and our partner’s cultural values and heritage can help us understand our differences and begin to integrate our separate cultural identities into an identity as a bi-cultural couple or family.  In my work as a therapist, I help my clients explore their values and beliefs, so that they are aware of how their feelings, thoughts and behaviors are affected by their cultural background.  When couples acknowledge the cultural differences in their relationship, they are able to see their interactions in cross cultural context and find ways to navigate them.  I also help clients learn to appreciate their differences, and find ways to honor each person’s cultural practices. Each partner may continue to carry on traditions that are important for him or her, or make adjustments when those values no longer fit their current life. Neither partner needs to give up who he or she is in order to be in the relationship, the couple can reach compromises or find balances even when they hold opposing or conflicting values.

Working with a therapist or counselor with some expertise in the area of intercultural relationships and openness to seeing the value of such relationships can help couples to navigate this process.  Overall the additional challenges and opportunities that intercultural relationships bring with them require a great deal of consciousness, compassion, self reflection and openness to be managed effectively but these relationships can be tremendously rewarding when we are committed to our partner, our relationship and our own growth.

Hayden Dover, MFT and Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT are Marriage and Family Therapists in private practice in San Diego.  They met during graduate school when both of them were studying psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies and they have been navigating their own intercultural relationship ever since.  Joy and Hayden co-facilitate groups for couples in intercultural relationships.  For more information you can visit www.psychotherapywithjoy.com or www.sandiego-mind-body-therapy.com .

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Facing and Coping with Racism

April 1, 2010 at 1:53 pm · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture ·Tagged , , , , , , ,

Comments after reading:  In the face of racism, distress depends on one’s coping method.

In this article about how Filipino Americans cope with racism, it was surprising yet common place that racism toward Asian Americans is still prevalent and occurs in everyday encounters.  The author discussed how the denial or ignoring of racist incidents may cause increase in psychological or emotional distress.  People want to deny the happenings of these unpleasant and shaming experience, however, their efforts to trivialize the incidents unfortunately make them feel even worse.

Some therapists may unintentionally minimize or disqualify their minority clients’ experience with discrimination. This may happen when the therapist has not much experience of helping clients dealing with racial or cross cultural issues. Some therapists may experience discomfort in this area because of their own desire to portray that they are not racist or perpetrator.  There may also be feelings of guilt or embarrassment for belonging to the majority culture or environment where oppression or discrimination occurs. By bringing up the concept that “Asian Americans are the model minorities”, or “you should be proud of your heritage” potentially shut down clients who are ready to explore issues about who they are,  their cultural identity, and internal struggles with belonging to a certain culture .  On the other hand, the therapists may themselves personally experienced racism.   This may affect therapy if the therapists haven’t work though this issue on their own, or lack of awareness of their own process.  There is potential of turning the session into racial bashing or venting instead of focusing on client’s internal process, challenges or growth, in this area.  It is essential for the therapist to be aware of their own perception, bias or experience with racial or cross cultural issues.

As pointed out in the article, that there is no one way of how people choose to manage distress after a racial encounter.  Interestingly, the article pointed out that Asian American men tend to feel better when they are able to confront the perpetrator, but talking to their friends to get support actually make them feel worse.  There is no differences in emotional health in Asian American women whether they confront the perpetrator or confiding in others.  With the help of families, friends or exploring with a therapist, people can find coping strategies that fit them the most, empower their sense of self, and feel more solid in their identities.

For more information about multicultural issues and psychotherapy, please refer to this link: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com/MulticulturalIssues.aspx

If  you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com
Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT
Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.

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Cultural Identity among Asian Americans

March 27, 2010 at 8:50 am · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture, Family ·Tagged , , , , , ,

Many Asian Americans face ongoing challenges as they navigate between majority American culture and their culture of origin.

The development of cultural identity plays a major role in creating inter-generational conflicts between generations of Asian American. First generation Asian Americans are most likely to adhere to values and ideas from their countries of origin, as these are most familiar, safe, and expected of them. They may come to see American ways of living as independent, too much freedom, and threatening to family values. Second or younger generations have been exposed to the majority culture in U.S. from earlier ages, and therefore identify more readily or completely to the American culture. They may see their parents’ ideas as traditional, restricting, or unfit for living in America.

Regardless of the length being in America, all Asian Americans try to find ways to consolidate or integrate Asian and American concepts that are contradictory. This internal process of working out what fits and what does not fit help people define themselves culturally.

For more information about cultural identity, please refer to this link:  www.psychotherapywithjoy.com/AsianAmericans.aspx

If  you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com
Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT
Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.

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Inter-generational Conflicts

March 27, 2010 at 8:46 am · Filed under Asian Americans, Culture, Family ·Tagged , , , , , ,

In my psychotherapy work with Asian Americans, both first and second generation clients almost always expressed concerns about inter-generational differences. The differences between Asian American generations are seen commonly in areas such as: dating, mate selection or marriage choices, and academic or career choices. Other concerns that may result in conflicts include: values, attitudes, lifestyle, sexual orientation, religious or spiritual activities and other difficulties. Often, people are so entrenched in their own view that there is simply no room to see things from another perspective.

I find it extremely helpful when my clients are given the opportunities to talk about their process of figuring out who they are. Through exploration of where values and traditions come from, as well as what these mean for each individuals, they can choose to hang on to the useful parts that have serve them well, or to let go of them when these ideas no longer apply to their current circumstances. Through talking about feelings, thoughts, and experience, people also come to understand why certain life decisions or choices are important for them, career vs. relationship, practical vs. aspiration, family expectation vs. individual dream.

I also work with my Asian American clients on how to talk to their family members in ways that are helpful, such as clearer communication, assertive expressions, or requesting without demanding. This is done through discussions or role plays. Continuous communication and open discussions will help bridge the generation gap and facilitate better understandings from both sides.

For more information about inter-generational conflicts, please refer to this link:  www.psychotherapywithjoy.com/AsianAmericans

If  you would like to find out more about my practice, please visit: www.psychotherapywithjoy.com
Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT
Psychotherapy office in San Diego Hillcrest.

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